Thirty Springs

I've lived thirty springs
Thirty summers
Thirty of each of the seasons, and months, and other obvious reasons
We've created to count time

I've cried at least once a year
After the years of infancy
Perhaps twice a week on my teens
And probably less often with time

I've loved a few boys with all my heart
Or at least it felt like it- at the ripe age of 18
I got engaged twice, married once-
for love and friendship- and so far I enjoy married life.

At 23 I wanted to die. I'm still not sure why, but I have some theories.

I've always wanted children, but never felt capable and emotionally ready.
Until now.

They say I'm still a baby. What are 3 decades compared to near a century?
I say being 30 means there's no turning back from adulthood- as if there was ever a way to turn back time.

There was. There was a way to feel 18 'til I die; forever 17 and in love with a college boy.
There was a way to still be a girl in her early 20s.

I'm a woman now. Fully grown and ready to be a mother. It is one thing to be ready to procreate; another to become a parent.

I've lived so little compared to my grandparents.
Yet, I've been to more cities in different countries than they ever imagined. I've experienced more cuisines and attended more concerts;
But I know one truth - I am no wiser than they were.