Saturday, December 11, 2010

Thirty Springs

I've lived thirty springs
Thirty summers
Thirty of each of the seasons, and months, and other obvious reasons
We've created to count time

I've cried at least once a year
After the years of infancy
Perhaps twice a week on my teens
And probably less often with time

I've loved a few boys with all my heart
Or at least it felt like it- at the ripe age of 18
I got engaged twice, married once-
for love and friendship- and so far I enjoy married life.

At 23 I wanted to die. I'm still not sure why, but I have some theories.

I've always wanted children, but never felt capable and emotionally ready.
Until now.

They say I'm still a baby. What are 3 decades compared to near a century?
I say being 30 means there's no turning back from adulthood- as if there was ever a way to turn back time.

There was. There was a way to feel 18 'til I die; forever 17 and in love with a college boy.
There was a way to still be a girl in her early 20s.

I'm a woman now. Fully grown and ready to be a mother. It is one thing to be ready to procreate; another to become a parent.

I've lived so little compared to my grandparents.
Yet, I've been to more cities in different countries than they ever imagined. I've experienced more cuisines and attended more concerts;
But I know one truth - I am no wiser than they were.

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