Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas without crying

Christmas is always an emotional time of the year for me. At least it has been like that for the past 5 years. I'm either away from my Brazilian family, or I'm struggling with some kind of loss. Last year, for instance, I spent Christmas in my home country, but my grandmother was not among us anymore. She passed away back in May of 2009 and I could not cry enough for being so far away. So when Christmas came and we arrived in her house on the 24 of December, I could not hold back my tears. Everyone else had grieved already, but I hadn't. I hadn't seen her grave, or her empty living room, or her gardens full of her favorite flowers. I was happy, oh so happy to be with my family, and yet, my beloved grandmother was not there with us.

This Christmas we're with my Canadian family, and it's been a good one. Of course I miss my loved ones back in summery Brazil, but not enough to cry over it like it happened before. I'm actually really impressed with myself, especially because I'm decreasing my meds.

I've decided that my resolution for this new year is to speak less and to listen more. I often get in trouble for talking too much, and therefore exposing my feelings and emotions way too much. It is part of who I am - a very expressive artistic person - and I know it is a package deal, and it comes with pros and cons. Nevertheless, I believe I can learn more by being more quiet, more observant to what other people have to say. I think it is a good resolution!

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