Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Anticipated Sadness

My period came yesterday afternoon, two days before the expected date. No matter how much I try to rationalize what just happened, I am still sad and disappointed.

We went camping this long weekend, and I enjoyed being far away from everything while going to new places in the north coast of California. It was a bit cold for sleeping in a tent, I admit it, but it was only for two nights. We went to Navarro River Redwoods State Park, a calm first-come first-serve secluded park in the middle of giant Redwoods. We hiked at Van Damme state park, visited Mendocino, a cute little town nearby, went to two different lighthouses, (one in Point Arena), and drove back home along the Shoreline Highway, or Highway 1. It took much longer, but it was so beautiful and peaceful.

When we finally got to Highway 101, we stopped at an In-n-Out burger, and when I went to the restroom, alas, there it was, plain and clear, the blood that I did not wish to see. I am sorry for the TMI. I'm sure not many people read this blog (for I haven't really advertised it or even told my friends and family about it). This blog is sort of my personal diary, a way to get some things off my chest.

So today I woke up feeling sick of my stomach and anxious. I managed to get on with my day, drinking lots of smoothies which are easy to swallow, and eventually was able to eat some solid food. I'm having some pretty heavy cramps right now, so this *IS* a period, no doubt about it and no reason to waste a pregnancy test this month.

I'm trying to think that this is for the best, there must be a reason why I couldn't get pregnant this month other than the catastrophic idea that either my husband or I have a problem and can't conceive. I am also trying to remember that it takes a healthy 25-year-old woman an average of 6 months to conceive. It takes longer for older women. I'm 30, and my husband is 37, so we're going to have to take it easy. Regardless, I am sad - two days early than expected.

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