I woke up feeling better, and I decided not to start Cymbalta just yet. This decision evolved into resolution by the end of the morning and I even took the medication back to the pharmacy, but it turns out I can't return it. Fine, I'll still not take it just yet.
I want another week; another cycle trying to get pregnant; another month. I want to break my own record of 5 months off medication for once. I don't know what it is like to spend a whole season without antidepressants since 2004.
I don't want to go back to having uncomfortable side effects such as trouble sleeping and night sweats. I don't want to find out if Cymbalta will make my anxiety worse, just like Paxil did in the past.
I want to fight back and take control of myself. I promise I'll take the meds if I have another crisis, but right now I need another chance being 'just myself', without the aid of a mood elevator.