I made a deal with my psychiatrist and with my husband; I am not going to take antidepressants for the time being, but if I have another anxiety attack like I did last Tuesday, I will start Cymbalta right away. I feel good about this resolution. I think I can give myself a chance to try a little harder. I felt relieved to find out, as well, that Cymbalta is not like Prozac, but more like Effexor, which is what I used to take.
Also, I didn't like what I read about pregnancy and antidepressants on the internet last week. There are some scary reports linking antidepressants during pregnancy with autism and heart problems.I know several women have no choice but to take the drugs, but one cannot deny that there are risks. So if I can make it without taking anything, I'll definitely stick to the supplements that I've been taking already, which include Rhodiola Rosea and Kavinace.
I'm still not eating much in the morning, just the regular yogurt smoothie or some of the super food Odwalla smoothies. I tried having scrambled eggs yesterday morning, but I wasn't successful. As the day goes by, I am able to eat more solid foods. I hope at some point I'll be able to get up and feel like having a bagel with a cup of coffee!
Talking about coffee, I didn't have any for a week, until today when I gave in and had some decaf. Caffeine and anxiety don't go together, so I'll continue trying to have none or very little coffee/coke/chocolate/tea.
I'm also taking it easy, not getting caught up with a load of things to do. I intend to go back to school in September and take 2 evening courses to finally complete the credits I need for the Continuing Studies Certificate. It is not a big deal at all, it is just a certificate of completion, but it is from Stanford University, so it will definitely help me when we move to Brazil, in a couple years.
I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I used to be a teacher back in my home country. I taught English as a foreign language to children and teenagers. I taught in schools, so I had over-crowded classes and a multitude of levels within the same class. I loved teaching, but it was a very stressful and demanding job. When we move back to my home country, I plan on teaching private students who really want to learn the language.
So here I lay some of my renewed hopes; hope of being off medication for longer than 3 months; hope of getting pregnant while I'm off medication; hope of taking 2 courses this Fall that will give me the 3 credits I need to complete 18 credits of Stanford continuing studies courses! Hope of soon be going back to my country of origin and closer to my family. It feels good to have hopes, especially after I spent days feeling despair and anxiety.