Thursday, September 29, 2011

Limbo #2

I'm very anxious right now. I feel like I did absolutely nothing the whole day.
My period is one day late, but I don't think I'm pregnant. It would be ironic if I actually were pregnant 3 weeks after going back on medication.

I'm trying not to take Clonazepan, even though I know it would help me feel better. The last time I took it was Monday morning. I want to drink coffee, but I know coffee will just make me more anxious. Even decaf coffee has some caffeine in it. I've already drunk one this morning.

My classes at the continuing studies program were great. I already read the 3 chapters I'm supposed to read for next Monday's class. The French course on Tuesday was great, too. Very fun. I still feel anxious. Not enough to be sick of my stomach. Just enough to make me uncomfortable.

I have therapy today at 5pm. It is very hot now in Northern California. Late summer, as usual. We're almost in October. I feel I'm in limbo again. Waiting. Waiting. I'm trying to breathe deeply. I made myself some smoked salmon pasta for lunch. It was yummy.

I can hear the crows chirp outside. It falls into place now. It used to sound so odd. There are no crows where I come from. Here they're everywhere. There's a truck backing up. I can hear the beep, beep, beep. It is bright and sunny out. Apparently, it is going to rain next week. I can hear an airplane go by. My orchids need water. I don't feel like watering them. My basil plant is dead. Well, almost. End of basil season.

I've already gone for a walk this morning. Maybe I'll just lie down and try to sleep. Really? at 3:30 in the afternoon? feeling anxious? I want my period to come so that I know I'm not pregnant after only 3 weeks on meds. I haven't been to yoga in 2 weeks. I haven't even exercised this week, besides this morning. I don't know what else to say.

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